I’ll admit it. It’s an addiction. I know. I like parenting books. How weird is that? I do. Even the ones where I don’t agree with everything they argue or suggest.
Why?
Because most parenting books are written with genuine enthusiasm and good will, and it shows. Writing, especially writing a book, is a large commitment. The people that write these books – and you can tell if they are ghostwritten, believe me – these people care. They care a lot.
That motivation and intent is worth at least an open mind and 10 pages of reading.
Sometimes I like – in the kind of noncommittal way that you like food that is good for you but is not chocolate – the book. Sometimes I think it is just ok. Sometimes it completely resonates with me.
This one was a resonator. This wasn’t just news about parenting for me.
It was Parenting News.
Why? It was an investigation into the science – the science – behind a lot of child-rearing fads and doctrines. If you read my other blog, Yield to Pedestrian, you know that I adore science. NurtureShock takes scientific inquiry – rigorous scientific inquiry – and demonstrates how many of our child-rearing practices today lack not just common sense, but scientific basis.
Examples?
My favorite was the one showing that multicultural schools and diversity programs do very little to nothing to combat self-segregation among students or racism. Trying to raise “race-blind” kids actually raises kids keenly aware of race and uncomfortable about it. They go step by step through the tests that measure and demonstrate this trend. What does combat racism? Parents who talk to their children *starting at age 3* about different skin colors, racial history, and the problem of past injustices. Yes, talking about race – pointing it out – giving it a name – is what measurably decreases racism in children. Common sense, and proven science.
Other common sense/proven science topics they tackle include overscheduling teenages and tweens, teenage rebellion and secrecy (turns out it is necessary for development), educational television, spanking (this one is *very* interesting – turns out it is culture specific), sleep, the right way to praise (moderate amounts are better – really! – and it must be specific) and early language development.
This is a liberating book to read. It is not – let me stress the *not* – a call to return to “good, old-fashioned” parenting or anything like that. This book is not calling for anything radical at all, in fact. What is basically asserts is that good intentions can often be misplaced by fad science, and that real science – thorough, high-quality science – has shown that there is real proof for – in essence – moderation and biology.
Moderation and biology?
Yes. Children’s brains are radically different from teenagers, which are radically different from adults. A lot of what is termed “bad” or “undesirable” is really brain development at work. And moderation is generally the rule of thumb for all behavior and activities. For instance, an extremely “good” child is prone to depression and breakdowns later in life. Not much happier than an extremely “bad” one in outcomes. “Bad” and “good” – as defined today in a lot of schools – are mutually unrealistic and undesirable.
I could write a book about this book, but the bottom line is – buy it. Buy it and see what you think. I found it empowering and fascinating all at the same time. Reading gets no better than that.
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just read your review and i’m adding this book to my wishlist. sounds like something right up my alley… debunking fads via science. i love it. i need to read a parenting book anyway and move away from food.
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