People are full of advice for first time mothers-to-be. Full. Very, very full. In fact, some people might even qualify as overflowing with advice. Ahem. Not naming any names or anything, but you know who they are (me!).
I received lots of advice when pregnant for the first time, and here is what I found. The women who had had children within the past five years and who shocked me when they told me some seemingly brutal comments about childbirth and child-rearing, those were the women whose words I ended up relying on the most.
In short – it was the sharing of recent and honest first-hand experiences that helped me out. The kind reassurances, the well intentioned advice, the promise that it “all goes by so fast” – that stuff didn’t help so much.
What was useful was when a woman I quite like and respect told me she didn’t really bond with her first child until he was about 10 months old. Up until that point, it all felt like one giant, mind-numbing chore, she said. Or when a different friend confessed that when her son was going through the worst of his temper tantrums, she was a crying mess by 4pm each day, that was good to hear.
I didn’t recognize the importance of these words right away. The first time I heard these comments, I was shocked. I will also freely admit that I judged these women just a little (and for that I ask their forgiveness). How could they think that? How could it get that bad? What did they do wrong?
And then it all happened to me, and I felt so grateful that someone had the courage to make sure I knew when it did happen to me, that I was not alone.
So my advice on advice? When another woman likes you enough to share something that shocks you about the world that awaits you, file it away and try to not judge. It may just be the best advice you will ever receive.
Related articles by Zemanta
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=619c541c-ed5a-4be1-bd25-dbdf9fa7f85b "Day By Day Pregnancy Tip #2: Listen to the Shocking Advice")
{ 1 trackback }
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so true. I'm sure that some of my childless friends think I am a horrible mother for saying that the first four months of my (very colicy) daugher's life were the worst of mine. And that I cried everday from pure frustration and exhaustion. But I also know that someday they will understand. And when that day comes I will be there to help them through those hard times. Because in the end it is truly worth it. Great article!
I wish to wish all pregnant women of good mood, easy pregnancy and natural sorts!
Good luck also are happy! Give birth easily and independently! Let not doctors give birth for you, and you!
Also adjust itself on chest feeding of the kid! Read the necessary information!
Be, lovely pregnant mums and expecting posterities of the daddy, are healthy and wise!
Oh so true! Yep, I had/have trouble with judging when I hear things but now appreciate the advice. Not the “it all goes by so quickly” mess but the REAL advice and honest insight into what others have been through.
After 6 hours of my crying teething 8 month old I can understand why a mommy wants to put the baby in the playpen and hideout in the bathroom with the water as loud as possible. LOL
Oh oh – 6 hours of crying! that's awful. It passes soon.
Hang
in there!